This season I’ve been reflecting on how I can be too hard on myself. There is a quiet, constant pressure to do more, learn more, run more, think more, decide more...and that feeling never ends. It's subtle though. I might think to myself I'm not making enough progress on something and know that it's totally okay and yet linger on the disappointment. Sometimes I catch myself getting distracted thinking about things I should do later on in the day. Then after work and running I am tired and replace resting with a notion that I'm lazy.
When looking up the topic of self-pressure, things like anxiety and perfectionism get mentioned. The expectations I might be forming for myself can lead to self-pressure, especially if those expectations are not realistic. I don't usually get hung up with things needing to be perfect, but I do hold expectations for myself that can be unrealistic for the amount of time and energy I have. I know I can only have a few priorities, not an endless list of goals.
There is a lot you can find on the Internet about dealing with self-pressure. One that I'd like to practice is simply being encouraging with myself instead of being negative. It's easy to default to negative forms of self-pressure. For example, when I can't seem to learn a second language, I tell myself that I'm bad at languages or not diligent enough as a person. But pressure can be positive too like telling myself that it'll be fun to learn a few new words and sentences in my spare time, not all the time. I'd like to flip the story I tell myself more often.